Loving Nekesa: A short story

I tell every girl I’ve been with that she’s the best I have ever had. Most times I don’t mean it, but sometimes I actually do. Like the girl I met in Busia, in Eastern Uganda in 1988. Her name was Nekesa and she was from Mbale. She was a soldier.

Nekesa had those soft eyes that looked both innocent and murderous at the same time, like she would kill you if you broke her heart, and not literally, but from the pain you caused her. I do not know at what point specifically she became everything to me but I would say that the lift I got in the army truck to Mbale was the one when. By the time we reached Mbale, after stealthily smooching each other at the back of the truck at several points along the whole journey, I had convinced her to desert the army and come and live with me. She did. What she did not tell me though, was that she was not just an escort to the army commander, but his lover too.

She had been an escort, as far as I knew, to one of the commanders at an army detach there. This was about the time when the NRA guerilla war had just ended. She had joined as a “Kadogo” and must have been about only 17 years old when I met her. She had been in the army three years then, having joined the rebel group when she was about 14 and only two terms into her first year of Secondary school. There had been a call for people who wanted to join the “liberation” and she did. Her mother, her last surviving parent, had only died recently and continuing with her education was out of the question.

Things at that time were not bad for me. I had quite the amount of money which I had made smuggling basic household utilities from across the border in Kenya and selling them in Mbale at more than five times the actual cost. I had just turned 20 years old, and had wandered away from home in Moroto to Mbale to just make some money. This practice was normal and acceptable in my time and I was sending money back home via the post office quite regularly so my parents were alright and had no complaints.

Nekesa and I had got talking as I frequently passed by the army detach on my way to and from the border. Occasionally, the soldiers, including Nekesa herself, were also deployed at the border to conduct searches. I took interest in her and later made it a habit to give her free supplies of sugar, soap, cooking oil, tea leaves and cigarettes which she did not smoke herself but sold to her male colleagues to raise some cash for her small other needs. Soon I had upgraded to buying her clothes, jewellery and some lipstick. It soon dawned on me that I was not just buying these things for her out of pure courtesy and I started contemplating how to confess my feelings for her.

On this particular week, I made sure to save up enough money to cover purchases of items that would last for two weeks so that I did not need to go to Kenya again. I needed enough time to prepare myself and let her know how I felt about her, and ask her to be my woman. It never crossed my mind one second that she was relating with the commander.

That Thursday, the time I would normally go to the border, I did not go because I had enough supplies to last two weeks. I dressed up well and rehearsed in front of the mirror in my single room, before straightening my denim jacket one more time and patting my afro to balance it perfectly, the one hundredth time. I sighed heavily, and walked briskly to the door, turned the knob and pulled the door in and stepped outside. I was tense, nervous and excited at the same time.

I shut the door behind me, locked it and I was startled when I turned my back to the door, to find Nekesa herself, standing right there in person, in full military outfit and wearing the sweetest smile I had ever seen on a woman. An AK 47 rifle was hanging off her left shoulder.

I froze for about eight seconds, unable to speak. When I came to, I mumbled a load of gibberish along the lines of “What are you doing here? How are you? You have never come to my place, how did you know the specific house I live in?”

She only smiled and said that she had come to check on me, and was concerned seeing as she had not seen me at the border earlier that day.

“Nekesa, Do you want to kill me, or you want to kill me?” I wanted to ask. My palms were sweating and I was buckling at the knees. My heart was racing and I could feel my skin heat up and beads of sweat pop from every pore in my skin.

“What, are you okay?” She asked.

“I am, yes. I am okay. Thank you for passing by. I got enough supplies to last me until next week so I need not go back this week.”

“Oh, that’s good then. Are you going somewhere,” she asked.

“Yes, yes. I am going somewhere,” I replied. I am going to…ah, I’m going to…” I could not think of a name off the cuff. “I’m going to check on one of my customers who wanted some things but they are yet to arrive in the shops in Kenya.”

“Alright, then,” she said, “I’ll be heading to the barracks now. Today I’m off duty so I will spend more time at home and rest. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye,” I said.

And she went on her way.

I do not know what it was about the sight of her walking away that ripped my heart to pieces. In that moment, every step she took further away from me destroyed me on the inside in ways that I could not describe. I thought my heart would explode if I did not say something, and so like a man possessed, I ran after her and grabbed her hand and told her that It was her I was coming to see and not a customer.

“Emma…” She turned her full body to me and faced me. “What are you saying?”

“Nekesa, why did you just walk away from me? How could you do that to me?”

“Do what to you?!” She asked incredulously.

“Nekesa, it was painful seeing you walk away from me because I want you to always be with me. Nekesa, I love you. I love you. I love you Nekesa. Please don’t ever leave me. Don’t go away from me. Be mine, stay with me, please. If you refuse to be mine, I will die. Even now, I feel like I am dying.”

“Let’s go back to your house and talk from there,” she said. “People are looking at us.”

It was about 7:40 in the evening. So I held her hand and walked with her back to my house. I closed the door behind us and it was then that she took her rifle off her shoulder and leaned it against the wall. She then took off her military outfit off to reveal the very skimpy dress she was wearing under it.

My jaw dropped onto the floor and before I could collect it, she said: “I had come to see you too.”

I thought I would suffocate and die from the tension in the room. It was becoming increasingly difficult to breath.

I will never forget the image of her walking across the room to meet me, her slim and gently curvaceous figure seductively sealed in the skimpy maroon dress she was wearing. It is as if my whole world was spinning every short and brisk step she took towards me. By the time she reached me, I was as hot as a volcano and my mind as frozen as the arctic.

“Nekesa you will kill me…” I said in a muffled shriek, but she meant business, throwing off the denim on my back and running her small hands knowingly allover my back. I lost my mind and everything else I did was by a spirit I got possessed with; one that only she could have inserted into my spirit through the force of her blunt nails digging through the back of my trembling self. At that point of extreme vulnerability is when she suddenly stopped, looked me in the eyes and said that she loved me and would do anything to stay with me, forever. I stopped to breathe. She then told me that I was the first and only man she ever loved. She made me promise that I would never leave her. I agreed to everything.

Until today, I still get chills remembering that moment. The feeling of her soft lips on mine, the initial brush of her taught nipples through my cotton shirt and eventually on my skin. That woman was a fierce cat. That is when our relationship began. She left my house early the next morning in time for the morning shift at the guard post with the promise that she would be back to see me later than evening.

It was that evening that she told me about the truck that was going to Mbale and how there was enough space for me to transport some of my goods to my customers there. I accepted the gesture and got some boys to wheel the supplies from my house to the roadside, from where they would be loaded onto the truck and I would jump on to head to Mbale. All happened as planned and it is on this journey that I convinced her to desert the army and come live with me, as I earlier mentioned at the beginning of the story.

We reached Mbale at about 1pm, having made several stops along the route. When we arrived, we offloaded my wares from the truck onto the roadside and returned to the side of it where she was seated to go over her escape plan one final time. My right hand weighed gently over her left hand as we spoke.

She would, at the time of changing the guard during the night shift, get off the guard post and walk a couple of metres away from the barracks gate. With the appearance of making a security check, she would proceed further away from sight, after which she would suddenly disappear from the first turn she could make, and come to the shanty lodge I would book a room in. It is from there that we would prepare and run away together. I emphasized to her that I would book the first room; the one closest to the lodge entrance and that I would leave my shoes outside the door for her to know the specific room I would be in. She nodded in agreement, staring into my face, and then into my eyes trustingly. If we were alone, I would have kissed her.

I made exaggerated hand movements and feigned ease in the presence of her other colleagues as we talked, so as not to rouse any suspicion. I am a generally calm man but Nekesa was of the fiery spirited type. I could tell she was anxious and nervous but I pressed down her hand even more firmly to let her know that everything would be okay.

“Don’t be scared. Be strong. Just do everything as planned, I will be waiting for you. I will not sleep until you come.”

“Okay.” She said.

“You look worried, you should not be. All will be fine”

“Emma, something else… something I haven’t told you. It’s scaring me more than running away to come with you.”

“Shhh…shh…hey, don’t worry. The most important thing is to get away tonight. We’ll talk about everything else when you come, okay?”

“No, Emma…The commander…he…he and I…we…”

“Heyyy….relax, don’t worry…don’t worry about your boss. I know you’re one of his best soldiers and he trusts you. He will not suspect anythi….”

“WEWE!” [YOU] I heard a strong male voice bark from behind me, that caused me to jump. I felt Nekesa’s hand sharply slide from under my hand. I turned to see the person from whom the terrifying voice had come, and saw the commander, a towering, large man making gigantic strides towards me.

“UMEFANYA NINI HAPO?!” [WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?] I heard the ground roar with the sound of his voice.

Within no time, we stood toe to toe, chin (mine) to neck (his) and I could feel the laser from his bloodshot eyes burn through the top of my forehead. He slumped his heavy right hand on my left shoulder, stared me down and asked,

“So, You are the one?”

I looked at him quizzically, confused.

“Yes, you are the one,” He repeated slowly and his face lit up, as if he had just seen an old friend. “Those cigarettes are powerful! I love them!” He said delightedly.

I heaved a huge sigh of relief.

“Yes, oh, the cigarettes…yes. Thank you, sir.”

“They’re very good. I like them! Continue to bring them!” His huge hand slid off my shoulder as he continued to Nekesa.

“You are on the guard post today. Plus other duties. I hope you understand?”

“Yes, Sir!” She said, standing up swiftly and giving him a salute.

“OK, Twende!” He ordered, and the truck hissed and roared. He ran ahead of it to the co-driver’s seat, went in and slammed the door shut.

I moved closer to the truck, pressed both her soft hands one more time and told her with my eyes that this would be the last day and tomorrow would be the beginning of our new life together.

It is the truck, as it pulled away, that separated the grip of her hands on mine.

Within the course of three hours I was able to distribute the supplies to my clients there and get most of my money.

By 7pm, I was within the lodge area, nervously drinking a beer and pacing about as I tried to shut down the barrage of thoughts that was bombarding my mind.

Did the commander know of our plan? Why was he friendly earlier on? But he was angry before then? What if it fails and they catch her? What if they find out she is escaping and they shoot her as she tries to run away? What if she gets scared and confesses? What if? What if?

For the first time, I started to consider that this was not a very good idea and I felt my intestines knot and hollow at the same time.

This was definitely not a good idea.

At about 11pm, I walked back to my room at the lodge but hardly slept. I paced the small floor of the lodge room restlessly, arms akimbo, occasionally throwing them up into the air resignedly. I ran my hands through my thick hair and cursed why I had even thought about something so crazy. I was so nervous that I jumped at every sound. Each time I heard the shuffle of feet, I ran to the door.

I waited.

Hours passed and no Nekesa. I opened the door to my room to confirm that the shoes were there. They were. I looked down the corridor to my left and still no one. Slowly by slowly, the sounds faded into as the town went to sleep, until there was complete silence. I was so tired of waiting that soon I started to doze off.

At 1am, I heard a loud knock at my door that jostled me out of my brief slumber.

“Nekesa!” I called, jumped out of the bed and bolted to the door to open it.

“Nekesa! Is it you?” I asked in a loud nervous whisper.

The sound of her voice heavily whispering back to me, “Yes! It’s me” shall forever remain the best song of my life.

“Ohhh! I exclaimed. And hurried to open the door. I held her hand, pulled her inside and locked the door behind us.

“Oh, Nekesa!” I exclaimed once again, holding her face in my hands, hardly believing that she was indeed there with me “Nekesa!” I could not say much else, except calling her name in disbelief that she was actually there with me.

“Emma!” She called my name. I pulled her in for a very tight hug and refused to let her go. I could not. I do not know why I cried, but something about that girl melted my heart. The terror of that whole night, had it come to any other ending but that, I would have died.

I felt her warm tears drop against my back and I remember feeling so relieved.

We had mind blowing sex for all our troubles, and we did all sorts of things or rather, she did all sorts of things to me. Early that morning, we escaped to her village, deeper still in Mbale via a small pickup truck that went there regularly to pick Matooke. Her rifle was disassembled and non-suspiciously tied in a sack and disguised as scrap metal. We later sold it to a Karimojong warrior that I knew, for a good sum of money.

Nekesa and I dated for the next one and half years, until I joined the university and we lost communication. She was able to resume school, but only for a short while, as she found herself leaning increasingly towards farming.

An old mutual friend that I knew from that time told me that she later married another man with whom they set up a brilliant business supplying food items to Mbale town and beyond. At the time of her death, she owned a couple of buildings within Mbale town, which her children have now inherited. I am told she was always thankful to “an old friend” who gave her the courage to desert the army. That for the biggest part of her life, she had tried to find this “old friend” but had since moved past trying to find him having failed to do so for a long time; and only resigned to mentioning him severally in her conversations.

Myself, I’m a civil servant, with about 3 years left to retire. I work as a Human Resources Officer and even though I have not been particularly lucky with issues of marriage, I am happy with my 5 children from their three mothers; the youngest of whom is 21 and in her final year at the university.

Yes, this story was supposed to be about a girl I knew, the best I have ever been with and I think I have happily told it. No regrets, no what-ifs. Just a moment lived to its fullest while it lasted.

Ah, Nekesa.

Author details:
Dr. Anna Grace Awilli
Email: annagraceawilli@gmail.com